The sketch:

FRANCIS: We"re gettin" in with the underground heating system here, increase through into the key audience chamber here, and Pilate"s wife"s bedroom is here. Having got his wife, we inform Pilate the she is in our custody and forthwith issue our demands. Any questions?

COMMANDO XERXES: What exactly are the demands?

REG: We"re providing Pilate two days to dismantle the entire apparatus that the roman Imperialist State, and if the doesn"t agree immediately, us execute her.

MATTHIAS: cut her head off?

FRANCIS: cut all her bits off. Send "em back on the hour every hour. Display them we"re no to be trifled with.

REG: Also, we"re demanding a ten foot mahogany statue the the Emperor Julius Caesar v his dock hangin" out.

P.F.J.: laughing

LORETTA: What? They"ll never ever agree to that, Reg.

REG: That"s just a bar-- a bargaining counter. And of course, we point out the they bear complete responsibility once we chop her up, and that us shall not submit to blackmail!

COMMANDOS: No blackmail!

REG: They"ve bled united state white, the bastards. They"ve taken everything we had, and also not simply from us, from our fathers, and also from our fathers" fathers.

LORETTA: and also from our fathers" fathers" fathers.

REG: Yeah.

LORETTA: and from our fathers" fathers" fathers" fathers.

REG: Yeah. All right, Stan. Don"t work the point. And what have they ever before given united state in return?!

XERXES: The aqueduct?

REG: What?

XERXES: The aqueduct.

REG: Oh. Yeah, yeah. Lock did provide us that. Uh, that"s true. Yeah.

COMMANDO #3: and also the sanitation.

LORETTA: Oh, yeah, the sanitation, Reg. Remember what the city used to be like?

REG: Yeah. All right. I"ll grant you the aqueduct and also the sanitation are two things that the Romans have actually done.

MATTHIAS: and the roads.

REG: Well, yeah. Obviously the roads. Ns mean, the roads go there is no saying, don"t they? however apart from the sanitation, the aqueduct, and the roads--

COMMANDO: Irrigation.

XERXES: Medicine.

COMMANDOS: Huh? Heh? Huh...

COMMANDO #2: Education.


REG: Yeah, yeah. All right. Fair enough.

COMMANDO #1: and also the wine.

COMMANDOS: Oh, yes. Yeah...

FRANCIS: Yeah. Yeah, that"s miscellaneous we"d really miss, Reg, if the Romans left. Huh.

COMMANDO: windy baths.

LORETTA: and it"s for sure to to walk in the roads at night now, Reg.

FRANCIS: Yeah, they definitely know how to save order. Let"s confront it. They"re the just ones who could in a place like this.

COMMANDOS: Hehh, heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.

REG: every right, yet apart native the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and also public health, what have the Romans ever before done for us?

XERXES: brought peace.

REG: Oh. Peace? close up door up!

bam bam bam bam bam bam bam

bam bam bam bam bam

MATTHIAS: ns am a poor man. My sight is poor. My legs are old and also bent, and--

JUDITH: It"s every right, Matthias.

MATTHIAS: It"s all clear.

JUDITH: Well, where"s Reg?

FRANCIS: Oh, Reg. Reg, it"s Judith.

REG: What went wrong?

JUDITH: The an initial blow has actually been struck!

REG: walk he complete the slogan?

JUDITH: A hundred times, in letters ten foot high, every the way around the palace!

REG: Oh, great. Great. We-- we require doers in our movement, Brian, but, before you sign up with us, know this. There is not among us here who would certainly not gladly suffer fatality to escape this country of the Romans once and also for all.

COMMANDO: Uhh. Well, one.

REG: Oh, yeah. Yeah, there"s one, yet otherwise, we"re solid. Room you v us?

BRIAN: correct!

REG: From now on, you shall be called "Brian that is dubbed Brian". Call him around the raid on Pilate"s palace, Francis.


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